I Must Return

Today was the first day I let myself openly admit that I must return to NYC. It was just to myself, not outloud. Some may say that they could have told me that before I left, but I genuinely tried to give Texas a chance. And I will remain as open-minded as possible. It is a great town and I understand why people like it so much here. But NYC is where I belong. Now to convince my boyfriend and figure out how I can plan the rest of my life around this.

This won't happen for a a year or two, or maybe never if I end up changing my mind. But I've finally let myself openly admit that I've made my decision and that's a big step in itself. (And of course sharing it on here is an even bigger leap.)

And somehow it frees me to enjoy my time here even more. I don't regret my decision to move here because I would never have had the wonderful experiences I have had here, or my new job. And I moved here to determine if I think I could be happy here longterm. And that's exactly what I discovered. Unfortunately, the answer is that I don't think it is for me, but like so many other things in life, I would have never known if I didn't try.

I imagine that if we do return out east, in another year or two we would find jobs in NYC and buy a house in New Jersey... But we'll see. I mean, who knew a year ago that I'd now be living in Texas? So who knows where I'll be two years from now...

But a girl can dream. :-)

Thanksgiving Weekend: First Trip Back to NYC

What a wonderful, whirlwind, long weekend! I had been nervous for my first trip back to NYC since the move. Would it be the same? Would it be depressing? Would I be able to drag myself back on the plane to return to Texas?

We arrived in NYC early the morning before Thanksgiving and from the moment I touched down in LGA to the moment I got back on the plane at JFK, I had the biggest smile plastered across my face. Something I hadn't had in months, there's just something about The City. Most of my friends had already left town to be with their families for the holidays, but it was great to visit with those that were still there and spend Thanksgiving with my brother and my boyfriend M's family. My brother and I also celebrated our 5th year in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and I was glad that M could join us this year, as well as a friend of the family who had also walked with us last year. We held the "Big Man Santa" balloon.

We left NYC Friday to head for Pittsburgh for my high school reunion. I was glad I had decided to make the extra effort to go and only wish that I would have had more time to catch up with everyone. In the days of Facebook and the internet, it's amazing how much easier it is to keep in touch, but nothing can beat getting to see a familiar face in person and hear first hand their joys and sorrows through the years.

On Saturday we visited with friends, went to our alma mater's campus and had a second Thanksgiving feast with some dear friends that after Mom passed, we had celebrated Thanksgiving with every year. It was lovely. It really made me think about how much I miss getting to host dinners and parties like that, simply something you can't do from 1,500 miles away.

Before the flight

"S-A-N-T-A", we chanted as we held on tight

2nd Thanksgiving

Visit to our alma mater

High School Reunion

A Surprise Card

Before I was born, my parents retired from their careers to start a travel company. What they ended up creating was

1. An unbelievable childhood for my brother and I, and
2. An extended family of adventurers that continue to love and support each other (and us) long after my parents passed away.

Tonight, I received the sweetest card from a group of them that had got together last week, what an amazing and wonderful thing. Sometimes it's the little things that prove how much people care and remind you how lucky you are to have them in your life.

Dallas Margarita Ball

I had long heard that charity events are huge in Dallas and I was excited to experience one first hand when one of M's employees got us tickets to the Dallas Margarita Ball, rumored to be the largest invite-only ball in the country. It was intense! Over the top dresses, big hair and 3 FLOORS of celebration with dancing, casino games, silent auctions, even pole dancers! The best part was that it was all for a good cause and raised a ton of money and attendees brought what literally turned into a mountain of gifts. Such a great time, even with someone spilling their margarita all over me. :-)

Who doesn't like getting dolled up every once in awhile?

One of the many silent auction areas

Did I mention it was crowded? THREE floors of this!

No, none of these are ours, but Mark was eager to
pose with the fancy cars parked out front.

Couldn't fit the whole mountain of toys in the pic,
there was even a whole bunch of bikes!!

Miss you Dad, One Year Later & Always

Today marks one year since I lost Dad. Words can't express how much I miss him and I've been surprised how hard this week has been reliving that time.

In the year since, I've cleaned out and sold our childhood home, left my dear New York City, switched jobs and moved in with my boyfriend. My life has changed in so many ways but still the biggest change has been the loss of the man my heart revolved around, the one person who made me feel like I could do no wrong.

By popular demand, I'm posting the eulogy I gave last year. But I also wanted to post a poem Dad had written. Dad wore so many hats: explorer, Marine, educator, loving father, loving husband to my mother, painter, poet, etc. I think this poem gives extra comfort at times like this. And I'm amazed how much more I understand it now than I could last year.

I also want to thank everyone who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to help me through it all, especially those that supported us that week and later those that helped clean out the house. I will never forget what you did and I will appreciate it always.


MY EULOGY:

Hi, I'm Deana, Dad's youngest daughter. Dad's reputation proceeds him and you all have already heard about his amazing accomplishments and thoughtful deeds.

The support we've gotten has been unbelievable and I want to thank you for your support and sharing your amazing stories. Clearly, we have all suffered a great loss. But as I've told so many of you, I can't complain. Dad was ready and I'm so happy for him to finally be at peace, no suffering, and to embark on his greatest adventure yet with Mom and all his other loved ones that passed before him. Dad lived more in his lifetime then many of us could live in 10 lifetimes and the impression he has left on us will never die. He made the most out of it, never just blending in with the pack but doing what he wanted and what he believed in.

Something that many of you know about Dad is that he liked music and singing. In fact, just two weeks ago when he was first taken into the hospital, the nurses told me that he would sing to them in ICU. A few years ago, I moved to Hoboken, NJ, where one of Dad's favorite singers grew up, Frank Sinatra. There is a song by Sinatra that I find particularly fitting and I'd like to read some of the lyrics to that song to you now.

"And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
'Oh no, oh no, not me, I did it my way'

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The records shows I took the blows and did it my way!

Yes, it was my way."

Thank you Dad for everything you did for me, for inspiring me and so many others. You are my hero and I will always miss you and remember your contagious smile, good nature, humor and love.

Te Amo.

DAD'S POEM:

Rejoice with me,
            I am at home.
            This year I felt the nearness…
            The fading strength
            that measures life in
            small but meaningful day tasks.

The over-stresed, and yesterday the guess
            of who I am,
            of what I am,
            of what I was in other’s eyes
            and memories of just a day ago.

And now I say, my God and I are one.
He gave me strength
            In many yearly goals
            In countless tasks that I could do
            In talking, acting, dreaming of
                A thousand unkown doors
He opened all.

He is myself, at last.

Rejoice with me, I am at home.

Short Skirts & W

This weekend, M's brother came to visit us. While we did a lot of fun things, (they even went skydiving,) the thing that I found the most interesting was our last-minute trip to an SMU football game. Before the game, we walked around campus to witness a tailgating experience far from what I was used to seeing at Rutgers games. First of all, it was right ON campus, not in some big, cold parking lot, but on a small street that is the backbone of the school, and the strip of land between the lanes going each direction. It was beautiful, with trees and lovely architecture. Second, everyone was dressed up! The apparent uniform for the girls was a short sun dress or skirt with cowgirl boots. Everyone was smiling, drinking, dancing and downright happy with their WASPy tailgate  It was surreal, like something out of a movie. Part of me wonders if I would like to partake in it or if even the thought of that creeps me out in a "Stepford Wife" type way. M, on the other hand, who is thinking of getting his executive MBA there, thought it was amazing and seemed right at home.

Back at the game, there was a flyover and then George W. Bush did the coin toss. Although these were probably mostly because the game was the day after Veterans Day and SMU was playing Army, it was still not something I can say I had seen before. And I'm pretty sure that people were wondering why I was the only one not giving W a standing ovation...

I did get a picture though to share with you guys. :-)

W & his wife at the SMU game

In the south, college football is huge. This week, everyone was talking about the "Game of the Century" this weekend, LSU vs. Alabama. From how the rivalry and rankings were explained to me, it seemed this game might be epic enough for even an NFL girl (go Steelers) like me to enjoy, so we decided to watch it. One of M's coworkers is a huge LSU fan and took us to an LSU bar for the game.

The game itself was intense and went into overtime. The bar was stuffed but somehow I had landed the one chair next to the heater we were all huddled around. As regulation time ended, I started to notice a guy that was standing next to me and kept bumping into me. "I'm a New York girl," I thought, "I know how to handle this." I pulled out all the tricks I had learned. I even stuck out my purse so I would take up even more space and he'd feel a noticeable corner when he got too close. Nothing worked. I wasn't about to leave my treasured spot on the one seat under the heater and the bar wasn't crowded enough that he needed to be sitting on top of me, I decided I should just ask him to stop. I mean, afterall, this isn't New York City, people are friendlier down here, right? And he probably didn't even realize it.

After a prolonged lean on me, I decided it was time. I politely asked him to stop leaning on me. You would think I had just cussed out his mother. He started calling me a crazy "b**** and insisted he hadn't touched me. (I felt an immediate de ja vu from the previous week's jaywalking incident being called that name again.) I ignored him and continued talking to the girl next to me. His rudeness escalated and included foul things about the girl I was talking to. She had had enough and couldn't ignore him anymore...

What followed was basically a blur. I remember giving up my seat in an effort to get away and watched the scene unfold like I was watching a movie. They started yelling and before I knew it, M joined the argument, again defending my honor. A few of his coworkers started saying stuff too but this guy seemed excited that M had jumped in, I'm sure because M seemed like a much more worthy opponent than a girl. When M told him to, "Be a man, walk away and go shave that soul patch," it finally sent the guy over the edge and he pushed M!

I was so frightened. Was M really going to be in a bar fight? This guy looked pretty huge, what if he seriously injured M? And a bunch of M's employees were there, what would they think? I later learned that everyone involved in a bar fight gets arrested in Texas... Was I going to be bailing him out of jail later that night?

I held my breath for what M's response would be and... he didn't push him back!! I don't know if I've ever been as proud of M. I knew he wanted to but he did the right thing. The guy's friend came over and eventually the guy walked away. He was standing outside the bar for awhile so I was scared to leave and even once he was gone, we had a group escort us to our car for safety. The rest of the night I was convinced he was still following us.

As scary as that was, it made me more thankful than ever to be with a good guy like M that can do the right thing even in the heat of the moment.

I will also note, however that I had incidents of crazy guys freaking out at me two weeks in a row when I never had any in NYC! Maybe Texans aren't as nice as I thought... Or maybe I just fit in even less than I thought!