One of the reasons we picked our apartment building is because they have "resort style living", which means they are very social and even throw a happy hour once a month. Since we don't know anyone in the area, we thought this would help us meet people.
Tonight was the first happy hour and we had been looking forward to it for awhile. We were some of the first people there and I enjoyed the appetizers while Mark enjoyed the refreshments. Then, our neighbors started filling up the restaurant. The crowd was filled with young professionals and many couples, people that we thought we could easily have a lot of things in common with. Everyone looked very friendly. So friendly, in fact, that everyone already seemed to know each other besides us. Mark and I stood alone in the middle of the floor as people walked around us greeting each other. We had met and talked with one girl at the beginning who happened to sit next to us, but besides that, we didn't talk to a single other soul. (I don't count the occasional "excuse me" when someone needed to get past us to grab some of the free appetizers.) Determined, I made us stay until the end and stand in the middle of the room instead of hiding in the corner. And nothing... Epic fail.
Now I'm not going to go blaming our neighbors. I'm sure if I was busy catching up with others, I would have not noticed the newbies lost at sea in the middle of the crowded room either. It's not their fault, but it made me humbly realize two things:
1. I am far away from home.
There was this one guy, (we'll call him "Texas Guy" in reference to his t-shirt,) that seemed to know everyone. There was barely a person that entered the room that he didn't greet with a sincere hug and people just seemed to gravitate to him. Texas Guy had lots of friends here, Texas Guy ruled the roost. Back in Hoboken, I could rarely leave my apartment, even to walk a few blocks to the store, without running into someone I knew. Every night that my friends and I would go out, we'd always run into others we knew and often, we'd know the bartender or bouncer working that night. Many of my friends had met each other through me. I was Texas Guy in Hoboken (or at least had his confidence.) But in Texas, Hoboken Girl means nothing...
2. I have no idea how to make new friends and I've never had to before.
When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be the "new girl" in school. I would fantasize about getting a fresh start and reinventing myself. But, we never moved and I never got the opportunity. The friends at my senior lunch table were essentially the same group of friends that I had sat with since kindergarten.
In college, sure I was new. But so was everyone else. And there were classes and social events that made it easy to meet new people, especially because they were also new and wanted to meet each other. Even then, since I went to college in the same town that I grew up in and many of my high school friends were still in the area, I didn't feel motivated to make new friendships. Some of my current best friends I did meet in college, but they are all people that I had class with. Otherwise, who knows if I would have met anyone.
In NYC/NJ, I had a group of friends already in place since many of my college friends already lived in the area. Mark asked me how I met people in Hoboken and I realized that the only new people I had met, (besides those I had met through other friends,) I had used an opening line that would not apply down here, "Hey, didn't you go to CMU?" Sigh...
This is really my first time in this situation and I have to humbly and honestly admit, I suck at it! I default to a very shy, naive demeanor and hope that people approach me. I mean, how am I supposed to approach someone else for a friendship? It's not the same as picking up a guy at a bar. I can't smile at a girl from across the room without her thinking I'm not only creepy but interested in something totally different. And once I do strike up a conversation, how do I take it to the next level? Asking for a phone number again just sounds creepy. And super awkward.
I am clueless. I miss my friends, family and my identity back home. Mark was so supportive and encouraging, suggesting that we try going out to a bar after the event was over to see if we could have any better luck. But I was not up to it. I just wanted to go home. And the closest I could get was upstairs in our new apartment to go to sleep and dream of a land far away...
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