I Must Return

Today was the first day I let myself openly admit that I must return to NYC. It was just to myself, not outloud. Some may say that they could have told me that before I left, but I genuinely tried to give Texas a chance. And I will remain as open-minded as possible. It is a great town and I understand why people like it so much here. But NYC is where I belong. Now to convince my boyfriend and figure out how I can plan the rest of my life around this.

This won't happen for a a year or two, or maybe never if I end up changing my mind. But I've finally let myself openly admit that I've made my decision and that's a big step in itself. (And of course sharing it on here is an even bigger leap.)

And somehow it frees me to enjoy my time here even more. I don't regret my decision to move here because I would never have had the wonderful experiences I have had here, or my new job. And I moved here to determine if I think I could be happy here longterm. And that's exactly what I discovered. Unfortunately, the answer is that I don't think it is for me, but like so many other things in life, I would have never known if I didn't try.

I imagine that if we do return out east, in another year or two we would find jobs in NYC and buy a house in New Jersey... But we'll see. I mean, who knew a year ago that I'd now be living in Texas? So who knows where I'll be two years from now...

But a girl can dream. :-)

Thanksgiving Weekend: First Trip Back to NYC

What a wonderful, whirlwind, long weekend! I had been nervous for my first trip back to NYC since the move. Would it be the same? Would it be depressing? Would I be able to drag myself back on the plane to return to Texas?

We arrived in NYC early the morning before Thanksgiving and from the moment I touched down in LGA to the moment I got back on the plane at JFK, I had the biggest smile plastered across my face. Something I hadn't had in months, there's just something about The City. Most of my friends had already left town to be with their families for the holidays, but it was great to visit with those that were still there and spend Thanksgiving with my brother and my boyfriend M's family. My brother and I also celebrated our 5th year in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and I was glad that M could join us this year, as well as a friend of the family who had also walked with us last year. We held the "Big Man Santa" balloon.

We left NYC Friday to head for Pittsburgh for my high school reunion. I was glad I had decided to make the extra effort to go and only wish that I would have had more time to catch up with everyone. In the days of Facebook and the internet, it's amazing how much easier it is to keep in touch, but nothing can beat getting to see a familiar face in person and hear first hand their joys and sorrows through the years.

On Saturday we visited with friends, went to our alma mater's campus and had a second Thanksgiving feast with some dear friends that after Mom passed, we had celebrated Thanksgiving with every year. It was lovely. It really made me think about how much I miss getting to host dinners and parties like that, simply something you can't do from 1,500 miles away.

Before the flight

"S-A-N-T-A", we chanted as we held on tight

2nd Thanksgiving

Visit to our alma mater

High School Reunion

A Surprise Card

Before I was born, my parents retired from their careers to start a travel company. What they ended up creating was

1. An unbelievable childhood for my brother and I, and
2. An extended family of adventurers that continue to love and support each other (and us) long after my parents passed away.

Tonight, I received the sweetest card from a group of them that had got together last week, what an amazing and wonderful thing. Sometimes it's the little things that prove how much people care and remind you how lucky you are to have them in your life.

Dallas Margarita Ball

I had long heard that charity events are huge in Dallas and I was excited to experience one first hand when one of M's employees got us tickets to the Dallas Margarita Ball, rumored to be the largest invite-only ball in the country. It was intense! Over the top dresses, big hair and 3 FLOORS of celebration with dancing, casino games, silent auctions, even pole dancers! The best part was that it was all for a good cause and raised a ton of money and attendees brought what literally turned into a mountain of gifts. Such a great time, even with someone spilling their margarita all over me. :-)

Who doesn't like getting dolled up every once in awhile?

One of the many silent auction areas

Did I mention it was crowded? THREE floors of this!

No, none of these are ours, but Mark was eager to
pose with the fancy cars parked out front.

Couldn't fit the whole mountain of toys in the pic,
there was even a whole bunch of bikes!!

Miss you Dad, One Year Later & Always

Today marks one year since I lost Dad. Words can't express how much I miss him and I've been surprised how hard this week has been reliving that time.

In the year since, I've cleaned out and sold our childhood home, left my dear New York City, switched jobs and moved in with my boyfriend. My life has changed in so many ways but still the biggest change has been the loss of the man my heart revolved around, the one person who made me feel like I could do no wrong.

By popular demand, I'm posting the eulogy I gave last year. But I also wanted to post a poem Dad had written. Dad wore so many hats: explorer, Marine, educator, loving father, loving husband to my mother, painter, poet, etc. I think this poem gives extra comfort at times like this. And I'm amazed how much more I understand it now than I could last year.

I also want to thank everyone who has gone above and beyond the call of duty to help me through it all, especially those that supported us that week and later those that helped clean out the house. I will never forget what you did and I will appreciate it always.


MY EULOGY:

Hi, I'm Deana, Dad's youngest daughter. Dad's reputation proceeds him and you all have already heard about his amazing accomplishments and thoughtful deeds.

The support we've gotten has been unbelievable and I want to thank you for your support and sharing your amazing stories. Clearly, we have all suffered a great loss. But as I've told so many of you, I can't complain. Dad was ready and I'm so happy for him to finally be at peace, no suffering, and to embark on his greatest adventure yet with Mom and all his other loved ones that passed before him. Dad lived more in his lifetime then many of us could live in 10 lifetimes and the impression he has left on us will never die. He made the most out of it, never just blending in with the pack but doing what he wanted and what he believed in.

Something that many of you know about Dad is that he liked music and singing. In fact, just two weeks ago when he was first taken into the hospital, the nurses told me that he would sing to them in ICU. A few years ago, I moved to Hoboken, NJ, where one of Dad's favorite singers grew up, Frank Sinatra. There is a song by Sinatra that I find particularly fitting and I'd like to read some of the lyrics to that song to you now.

"And now, the end is here
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain
I've lived a life that's full
I traveled each and ev'ry highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do and saw it through without exemption
I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way

I've loved, I've laughed and cried
I've had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say, not in a shy way,
'Oh no, oh no, not me, I did it my way'

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The records shows I took the blows and did it my way!

Yes, it was my way."

Thank you Dad for everything you did for me, for inspiring me and so many others. You are my hero and I will always miss you and remember your contagious smile, good nature, humor and love.

Te Amo.

DAD'S POEM:

Rejoice with me,
            I am at home.
            This year I felt the nearness…
            The fading strength
            that measures life in
            small but meaningful day tasks.

The over-stresed, and yesterday the guess
            of who I am,
            of what I am,
            of what I was in other’s eyes
            and memories of just a day ago.

And now I say, my God and I are one.
He gave me strength
            In many yearly goals
            In countless tasks that I could do
            In talking, acting, dreaming of
                A thousand unkown doors
He opened all.

He is myself, at last.

Rejoice with me, I am at home.

Short Skirts & W

This weekend, M's brother came to visit us. While we did a lot of fun things, (they even went skydiving,) the thing that I found the most interesting was our last-minute trip to an SMU football game. Before the game, we walked around campus to witness a tailgating experience far from what I was used to seeing at Rutgers games. First of all, it was right ON campus, not in some big, cold parking lot, but on a small street that is the backbone of the school, and the strip of land between the lanes going each direction. It was beautiful, with trees and lovely architecture. Second, everyone was dressed up! The apparent uniform for the girls was a short sun dress or skirt with cowgirl boots. Everyone was smiling, drinking, dancing and downright happy with their WASPy tailgate  It was surreal, like something out of a movie. Part of me wonders if I would like to partake in it or if even the thought of that creeps me out in a "Stepford Wife" type way. M, on the other hand, who is thinking of getting his executive MBA there, thought it was amazing and seemed right at home.

Back at the game, there was a flyover and then George W. Bush did the coin toss. Although these were probably mostly because the game was the day after Veterans Day and SMU was playing Army, it was still not something I can say I had seen before. And I'm pretty sure that people were wondering why I was the only one not giving W a standing ovation...

I did get a picture though to share with you guys. :-)

W & his wife at the SMU game

In the south, college football is huge. This week, everyone was talking about the "Game of the Century" this weekend, LSU vs. Alabama. From how the rivalry and rankings were explained to me, it seemed this game might be epic enough for even an NFL girl (go Steelers) like me to enjoy, so we decided to watch it. One of M's coworkers is a huge LSU fan and took us to an LSU bar for the game.

The game itself was intense and went into overtime. The bar was stuffed but somehow I had landed the one chair next to the heater we were all huddled around. As regulation time ended, I started to notice a guy that was standing next to me and kept bumping into me. "I'm a New York girl," I thought, "I know how to handle this." I pulled out all the tricks I had learned. I even stuck out my purse so I would take up even more space and he'd feel a noticeable corner when he got too close. Nothing worked. I wasn't about to leave my treasured spot on the one seat under the heater and the bar wasn't crowded enough that he needed to be sitting on top of me, I decided I should just ask him to stop. I mean, afterall, this isn't New York City, people are friendlier down here, right? And he probably didn't even realize it.

After a prolonged lean on me, I decided it was time. I politely asked him to stop leaning on me. You would think I had just cussed out his mother. He started calling me a crazy "b**** and insisted he hadn't touched me. (I felt an immediate de ja vu from the previous week's jaywalking incident being called that name again.) I ignored him and continued talking to the girl next to me. His rudeness escalated and included foul things about the girl I was talking to. She had had enough and couldn't ignore him anymore...

What followed was basically a blur. I remember giving up my seat in an effort to get away and watched the scene unfold like I was watching a movie. They started yelling and before I knew it, M joined the argument, again defending my honor. A few of his coworkers started saying stuff too but this guy seemed excited that M had jumped in, I'm sure because M seemed like a much more worthy opponent than a girl. When M told him to, "Be a man, walk away and go shave that soul patch," it finally sent the guy over the edge and he pushed M!

I was so frightened. Was M really going to be in a bar fight? This guy looked pretty huge, what if he seriously injured M? And a bunch of M's employees were there, what would they think? I later learned that everyone involved in a bar fight gets arrested in Texas... Was I going to be bailing him out of jail later that night?

I held my breath for what M's response would be and... he didn't push him back!! I don't know if I've ever been as proud of M. I knew he wanted to but he did the right thing. The guy's friend came over and eventually the guy walked away. He was standing outside the bar for awhile so I was scared to leave and even once he was gone, we had a group escort us to our car for safety. The rest of the night I was convinced he was still following us.

As scary as that was, it made me more thankful than ever to be with a good guy like M that can do the right thing even in the heat of the moment.

I will also note, however that I had incidents of crazy guys freaking out at me two weeks in a row when I never had any in NYC! Maybe Texans aren't as nice as I thought... Or maybe I just fit in even less than I thought!

iPad!

Today I got an iPad at work. Since I don't even own a smart phone, this has quickly propelled me into the 21st century to join all my other friends who already have been enjoying apps and the convenience of always having internet access for years. I am very excited to see how this will improve my life and am determined to prevent it from becoming too much of a distraction. For now, I can't wait to play with it and have already downloaded 100 applications before I even turned it on for the first time! :-)

"Stop Jaywalking B****!"

Tonight, we went out in Uptown to watch the Rangers in the World Series. Sadly, they lost but we had fun and it was a great thing to do with our friend who was visiting for the weekend from Austin.

A guy approached us we were walking up the street to switch bars to watch the remainder of the game. He looked both homeless and high/drunk on something and harassed us for money. I ignored him and as we come to a corner, I notice that even though the lights weren't in my favor, there were no cars coming. I decided to cross the street to escape the harassment, instead of waiting for the lights to change. This guy proceeds to start yelling at me "Stop jaywalking b...****! How dare you jaywalk, that's messed up b****" etc.... really?! Jaywalking is where you draw the line? Public disturbance/harrassment/and whatever illegal substance you're on is okay but jaywalking is over your line of decency? My boyfriend M started yelling back, defending my honor and next thing you know, a police car pulled up and arrested the guy. Soon, several other cops biked over for backup.

Looking back on this incident, probably the funniest part was that when the cops came, I was a bit worried that they were going to arrest me for jaywalking...

We enjoyed the rest of the weekend, including attending a Halloween party.

Old time barkeep & Devil Wears Prada

Therapy

So Texas has officially put me in therapy.

Dallas is a wonderful city, but I feel a lot of pressure here. I miss NYC so much, especially all my loved ones there and the closer proximity to my friends in Pittsburgh. If that's where I want to end up, should I be here now? There are so many questions about where I want my life to go that I simply don't know the answers to yet. I feel an urgency to figure these things out as soon as possible, or risk regretting going down the wrong path. (One of my biggest fears in life is regret.) This feeling that I need to figure out the answers to these big questions puts a lot of pressure on myself and gives me a great deal of anxiety. Ironically, I'm the one causing myself this stress because I'm the one giving myself this "asap" deadline.

They say that well-educated women over think things... Does this mean I can blame my university for the stress I've had lately? Doubtful, but regardless of who is to blame, I have been feeling a great deal of stress lately so I decided it was time to see a therapist. In my lifetime, I have visited therapists a few times and hadn't had much success. I'm hoping this one will be different and help me figure out my life and take pressure off of myself to relieve the anxiety.

My first session was today and it went well, I think I will return. The one thought she left me with was something that I felt was especially helpful to hear, "Take in the good." She wanted me to really take in the good around me in the moment and appreciate all the wonderful things in my life right now. She's right, I am very lucky.

• Lucky to have an amazing, caring boyfriend who wants me near.
• Lucky to have wonderful friends and family who miss me as much as I miss them.
• Lucky to have a well-paying job in a good working environment where I am empowered, trusted and get to do something that I enjoy while learning a great deal.
• Lucky to have the health to do the things I want to do.

The list goes on and on...

DFW > PIT > TPA > DFW

Bouncing from Pittsburgh to Florida and back to Texas was quite a whirlwind over this long weekend but well worth it! I know what you're thinking: Pittsburgh's not on the way to Florida! But I had a very good reason. K, who I had been close to since I was 4, had recently gotten engaged. Shortly after receiving her rock, she bestowed me the honor of being her maid of honor. I was so excited! Well, this past weekend was a big get together of the bridesmaids with K, and I was going to miss it because I had to go to Florida to help clean out my grandparents' condo since it had been sold. Little did K know, but I had planned a secret stoppover in Pittsburgh on the way!

Late Friday, I flew to Pittsburgh where my best male friend, B, picked me up. I stayed up with him and his girlfriend talking into the late hours. In the morning, the three of us went to brunch. There was a wait for a table so I sat down in the waiting area, my back to the door. B stood facing me. Before I knew it, B yelled "D, K's parents are walking in!" I didn't believe him at first but once his expression made it clear he was serious, I ran to the bathroom to hide. Luckily, they were turned off by the waiting list and ended up turning around and going somewhere else. What a close call!


After brunch, I met with another close friend of mine, C. We hung out and laughed until our faces hurt.

Before I knew it, it was time for the surprise! Another bridesmaid drove me to K's. I waited on the porch for her to tell K that there was a surprise outside. I could hear K scream through the door, "Is Deana out there?!?!!" before the bridesmaid even had the chance to egg her on. I came right in and we were all just so excited! It seemed K wasn't as surprised as I had guessed she would be but I was even happier because of her reason why, "I knew deep down that there was a chance you would do this. You're just that kind of person." I have the best friends. We all had a good laugh at how the surprise was almost ruined at breakfast earlier and had a wonderful day with the bridesmaids, bride and mothers of the bride and groom. We even ended up turning the dress shopping on K and she ended up picking out her gown that she later bought. The night ended with BYOB bowling to celebrate some of the girls' birthdays.

That day was seriously the best day I had had in months. Being around people that mean that much to me and laughing and just feeling that warmth, it's something that just can't be duplicated. It even made me think, and I never thought I'd think this or admit it, that I'd rather move back to Pittsburgh than stay where I currently live.

My boyfriend M met me in Florida Sunday morning and we had a productive visit, although sadly not as productive as we had hoped since both my aunt and M needed taken to urgent care units for various ailments. Luckily, both recovered quickly and we still got to spend some time visiting Grandma and reminiscing about times gone by through old pictures we discovered in the condo.

We returned to Texas Tuesday night.

What an amazing weekend.

Surprise! I made it! :-)

Grandma & I

In 2009, the last happy visit (before Grandpa was taken to the hospital) that I had with my grandparents,
Grandpa had me take some photos of them.
When Mark and I visited the condo one last time to help clean it out, I couldn't help but sort of recreate that picture with him.
I wish these two important men in my life could have met.

The Texas State Fair

This weekend we went to the Texas State Fair. It was huge! So many rides and exhibits, definitely the biggest fair I had ever seen! We noticed three things:
1. It was actually quite expensive.
2. There were a ton of people wearing Steelers gear. (I'd argue more than we saw wearing Cowboys gear!)
3. All the food is either fried, served on a stick, or both!

We tried a bunch of neat food but I don't think we'll return again next year. (Even though we later discovered we had neglected to discover some of the cooler parts of the fair.)

Top: fried mashed potatoes
Bottom: fried cake balls!!

"How did you escape New York without becoming a New Yorker?"

A coworker today asked me out of nowhere, "What I want to know is, how did you escape New York without becoming a New Yorker?" She had lived in New York City years prior and she meant it as a compliment because the city she knew was harsh and mean. But it felt like an insult since I identify myself as a New Yorker.

And so I reflected, how had I become a New Yorker, what had changed within me from when I identified myself as a Pittsburgher? There were two major things that I had noticed so far from my stay in Texas.

1. Clothing. Okay, maybe this is not only from living in New York, but also from working in the fashion/retail industry. When I first started at macys.com, I remember coming to work in an outfit I was proud of, or in the very least didn't know there was anything wrong with. At work, I quickly learned that my outfit had a name, and that "texas tuxedos" were not in style. I then started to pay attention and learned that style was something that helped you advance. Trends were easy to spot on the streets of the Fashion District and while I rarely bought trendy things, I knew what to avoid.

At one of my first weeks at my new job here, I spotted a woman wearing a "texas tuxedo" and I cringed. And then I realized, I had done the same thing 6 years prior in NYC... And then I saw her still wear it again the next day... Yep, I'm not in The City anymore!

2. Crossing the street. So if there are no cars going, I don't care if the lights aren't in my favor, I'm crossing the street. I'm not sure if it's the urgency of the rush of The City that instilled this in me, but waiting for a light is ingrained as a waste of time.

Here, however, people very clearly look at me like I have 3 heads if I cross before the light switches. Even if there are no cars in sight. Occasionally, I witness others see me make the move and noticeably contemplate crossing themselves. An odd expression comes over their face like they had never thought of that as an option and they slowly extend their foot out as if testing the waters of a pool. There is no shark in there people, just cross!

3. Transportation. As in Pittsburgh, people here drive everywhere. The idea of walking or *gasp* taking public transportation seems like a foreign concept. And I don't even own a car. When I tell people this, they are not only surprised, but curious about how that's possible. I was even once asked, "Wow, what kind of people ride the bus?" Um, people like me...

Overall, I think that New York has changed me in some ways. But I am very proud to say that who I am deep down has never been swayed by where I am geographically. And that's a really important thing to realize and remember.

Here We Go... To Houston!

Growing up in Pittsburgh, I have always bled black and gold so I was very happy to receive my birthday gift from Mark of tickets for us to watch the Steelers when they came to Texas this year. We headed to Houston on Saturday and I posted to my Facebook wall that we were making the journey. Low and behold, turned out that one of my brother's best friends lived in Houston. He had grown up right up the street from us and we made last minute plans to hang out with him and his fiance. Mark and I enjoyed an amazing seasonal dinner at a fabulous restaurant we had made reservations at called "Mark's". (How could we not eat there with a name like that?) We then met up with the friends at Ginger Man.

The next day, after a quick breakfast, we headed straight to the stadium. So many Steelers fans were there!! Steelers Nation was definitely loud and proud that day. On the way in to the stadium, we heard a voice in the distance yelling "Mark, Mark!" We turned around to see one of the people we had met at the Steelers bar on my birthday! We hung out with him and his girlfriend for a bit, along with the group they had come with, and then headed into the stadium. It was pink ribbon day, and as a woman who lost her mother to breast cancer, I was especially touched by this. We had a wonderful time, even though unfortunately we lost.

On the drive back to Dallas, we stopped at Peach Farm store. We got all sorts of neat "butters" and baked goods, even some pecan syrup!

We had a nice, quick trip but I am looking forward to having next weekend at home so we can continue to work on fixing up the apartment!

Austin

Mark was in Austin for most of the week at a conference for work, so I joined him (via a quick Greyhound trip) for the weekend. Great city! Lots of interesting and unique shops and restaurants. I can see why their moto is "Keep Austin Weird".

Saturday, we started the day with hands down one of the best breakfasts I've ever had at "Juan In a Million" (from Man vs. Food fame.) We then wandered around the University of Texas's campus and saw its HUGE stadium (college football is really big in the south) and then we walked over to the capitol building. I will fully admit that I had no idea that Austin was even the capital of Texas. :-) Mark is quite the beer connoisseur so we next drove out to what felt like the absolute middle of nowhere to go on a tour of a brewery he had found online, Jester King. Afterwards, we went to a little town outside of Austin called Lockhart, the Texas capital of BBQ, and did a BBQ crawl of two of the most popular restaurants. It was good but I think I prefer BBQ completely drowned in sauce and these places forbid sauce altogether.

Our Saturday night was pretty fun. We were in a bit of a food coma and Mark needed to nap so we went back to the hotel and he ended up sleeping through when we were supposed to go watch the bats. (Every day at sundown, over a million bats fly out from underneath a particular bridge in Austin.) Oh well, all the more reason to go back to Austin! We then met up with a friend who had also moved down from Hoboken and went out on 6th Street, a great area with TONS of unique bars, almost all with live music and no cover. It reminded me of NYC or Hoboken, without the covers and with music. :-) Right off of 6th Street, we even stumbled across a pizza place called "Hoboken Pies"! The owner had moved down from Hoboken too. What a small world!

Sunday we ate breakfast at a lovely crepes place on the first floor of the hotel and then checked out the Pecan Street Festival, where I got really unique wooden earrings. We then said goodbye to Austin but one of the highlights of our weekend actually happened on the drive home. Mark had gotten a tip to check out a Czech bakery at a gas station on the way back. Kolaches seem to be very big down here for some reason, (someone had brought them in to my office so I had seen them before) and this bakery was full of all kinds! Plus tons of other yummy goodness. Apparently this gem was no secret as the line was literally out the door and there were knock off Czech bakeries at the same exit! When it was our turn to order, we got as much as we could and then rushed back to the car to enjoy it. So good!

We hope to make many more trips to Austin to check out all it has to offer, especially to finally see the bats. And I'm sure we will be stopping at the Czech bakery on the way there AND back next time. :-)

Success!

Success! So when I arrived at the happy hour, the only other people there worked for the building. Then, another girl arrived and I sat with her. She was very nice and ended up knowing half the people there. Through her, I got to meet so many wonderful, interesting people from all over the world that live in our building. The girl I had met in the elevator even ended up being friends with her! (Another instance of it being a small world.) After the happy hour, a bunch of went back to one of the guy's places to watch tv and I ended up staying there until pretty late. I had such a great time and met so many great people that I hope to hang out with again.

Tonight's happy hour was a wonderful success. :-)

Apartment Happy Hour, Take Two!

After the last apartment happy hour was such a fail, I'm determined that this one will go much better. The good news is that it has a theme: everyone is supposed to wear a shirt of their favorite team. What a great idea! It will be that icebreaker/excuse for me to actually approach someone I don't know that I was missing at the last happy hour. (This matches my new strategy for making friends of wearing things that people can strike up a conversation with me about.) Also, Mark is in Austin for work so I'll be by myself, hopefully that will make me more approachable.

Here goes nothing!

My Things Have Arrived!

Saturday night my movers finally came with my things. I didn't mind the fact that it took nearly twice as much time as they estimated, or that it cost much more than they had estimated, the only thing I was concerned with was if my things would arrive in one piece. So far, so good, although there are still many more boxes to go! It feels even more real now that my things are here and I won't be living out of a suitcase any longer.

Mark was in NJ for a long weekend and I decided to prepare a nice surprise for him when he returned Sunday by getting as much done on the apartment as I could. (This worked especially well since he thought the movers weren't coming until Sunday since they had switched their schedule last minute.) I ran all over Texas running errands, including a trip to IKEA where I got a double-long TV stand with pieces so heavy that I could barely lift them and in fact had to roll them in the garage and slide them in the hall to get them up to our apartment. I stayed up late putting together the stand, starting to paint and unpack.

Unfortunately, I apparently pushed myself too much and hurt my back to the point that when I picked up Mark, I was walking like a 90 year old woman. He was really happy with all the work I did, but I learned my lesson to not hurt myself again by lifting things that I should know are way too heavy for me to lift.

The worst part is after all of that, the stand not only wasn't entirely done but had been chipped a little. One piece had come messed up and another, I had chipped with the 55" TV when I had put it on top. With all the work I did to put it together and how much pain I was in afterwards, I can not imagine dismantling and returning it so I'm hoping a black wood pen does the trick.

New Strategy: Fan Shirts

As a couple was leaving an elevator I was riding in, the boyfriend looked back and complimented me on my Carlo's Bakery shirt. I explained that I had just moved from an apartment two blocks away from that bakery (where "Cake Boss" is filmed) and this started a conversation, the girlfriend had moved from Hoboken as well! I got out of the elevator and talked to the nice couple and we exchanged numbers. What a wonderful way to meet people!

I've decided my new strategy for making friends should be to wear my Carlo's Bakery or Steelers shirts all the time because they always attract the nicest strangers to strike up conversation with me.

My Birthday Weekend

It was actually turned out to be a lovely birthday weekend. :-)

Saturday we went to a Carnegie Mellon alumni event (we are both alums) in Fort Worth to watch a weather balloon launch. It was interesting and especially so because they launch the balloon at 12a.m. GMT so it was like a countdown to my birthday beginning. We met a family there that had moved from NY sixteen years prior. The mother made a comment that she had always wanted to return but ended up having children and got "stuck" here. My. Worst. Nightmare. I either want to love it and stay or decide to return back to the east coast and leave. Not live with regret for the rest of my life... I saw the fear in Mark's eyes that he knew what I was thinking when she said that. And we both agreed that would never be us.

Sunday, Mark made us amazing sweet potato pancakes for breakfast and then I checked out a new church. I had driven past a mid-sized church in a really nice neighborhood earlier in the week and I was looking forward to checking it out. Christ Lutheran Church turned out to be as welcoming as it looked from the outside. A newly expanded facility and members who were so friendly that I was there for quite awhile as they walked me around introducing me to each other after the early service I attended.

While I was mingling at hospitality hour, my phone kept vibrating. I thought nothing of it, it was probably just a friendly happy birthday text or voicemail. But it kept vibrating. Finally, I checked it and discovered that Mark had texted, called, etc. 12 times! One of his texts revealed that he had gotten a flat tire on his bike ride and needed me to pick him up. It was time for me to leave.

Even with the unexpected flat tire, we made it to our next location, Malarkey's Tavern, just in time for kickoff. Malarkey's is a Steelers bar in Dallas and I was looking forward to checking out the first game of the season there. I had been a member of the Steelers In Hoboken Club so I was hoping to find a new community to watch the games with in Texas. It was a great spot. They had many Steelers decorations, even Pittsburgh items on the menu! Unfortunately, the game itself was not as enjoyable. The Steelers got slaughtered, it was pretty painful. One of my highlights of the day came at halftime though when a group of my friends surprised me with a "Happy Birthday" conference call. :-) So sweet!!

After the game, we headed home and Mark made a wonderful meal for us to eat while we had dinner with one of my closest friends and her boyfriend via Skype.

We ended our evening on a rather somber note, watching some of the coverage of the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Usually I avoid these stories on my birthday, recognizing it in my own way, but this year I was not successful.

It was quite a sweet birthday, literally. Besides the sweet sentiments of the wonderful cards, messages, gifts, (Mark even got us tickets to the Steeler's game in Houston in a few weeks,) and phone calls that made my day, I also got a great deal of desserts. Mark's boss's wife made me an amazing white chocolate souffle key lime pie for my birthday cake, some friends sent me a box filled with brownies, another friend sent me a box of candy and of course the chocolates I had received on Friday at work.

I had been so worried that this year would be hard without my friends and family but I was so touched that in their own way, all of those people I missed so much went out of their way to be a part of my day anyway. It's the amazing people in my life that made my birthday special, no matter how far away they might have been and I am unbelievably grateful for that.

Good Start To My Birthday Weekend

Sunday is my birthday and to be honest, I've never had lower expectations for it since I am so far from friends and family this year.

But I have to admit, the weekend has started off pretty nicely. Today at work, I got a surprise delivery: a beautiful plant and a box of chocolates from a few of my closest friends back in NJ. How ridiculously thoughtful and perfect!! This evening, we joined our new friends S & J for dinner at a great new pizza restaurant, Dough, and then drinks afterwards at one of Mark's favorite bars, the Meddlesome Moth.

I am a bit nervous that this weekend will be tough not being able to see my friends and family but at least it's gotten off to a good start! :-)

New Routine

My routine back home in NJ/NYC was pretty regular. I'd get up and pack a large bookbag and head into the city to go to the gym. Then work, then commute home. I'd leave my apt around 7:15a.m. and get home around 7p.m. every day. My commute each way took around 35min and consisted of the PATH train and short walks before and after.

One of the nice things about my new job is that I have the flexibility to choose my own hours. After trying a few different time periods, I've finally settled on a new routine and it's very different than my old one.

I catch a 7:03a.m. bus to get to my office. Then, I leave work at 4:15p.m. to catch a bus home. This is one of the highlights of my day. After freezing all day in the AC at work, (I literally keep both a sweatshirt and a blanket at my desk,) the heat (usually around 100 degrees) and sun feel amazing. When the bus runs a bit late, I do get a little red so I kid that this is my daily tanning session. (Hey, I guess I did move from NJ!) :-) The bus literally stops across the street from my apartment and drops me off across the street from my office in 10 minutes so I'm home around 4:30 everyday. I then have some time to do errands/catch up on email and my (first) dvr until Mark gets home around 5:30/6 and then we go downstairs to the gym in our building. (Sidebar: it's nothing short of a miracle that I'm actually enjoying working out with Mark, I usually hate working out with people I know.) After the gym, Mark cooks us dinner and we hang out and watch tv and catch up on our day.

All in all, life feels much more laid back here and I love getting home from work so early and having a short commute.

Here are some of the wonderful views from my office. (Btw, I wait for the bus in front of the church in these shots.)

It's A Small World After All

My mother's first cousin's husband mentioned that he had a cousin in Dallas who had children around my age. He put me in touch with one of them, H and she said she'd meet up with me and Mark for dinner and bring her brother, J, and his wife, S. H, J, S and I emailed back and forth on Facebook to make plans and along the way, S befriended me and noticed we already had a mutual friend, my brother Jonathan! Apparently, the two of them had lived in the same dorm at NYU! What a small world! The five of us had a wonderful dinner and got along really well.

The next night, Mark and I were out for dinner/drinks with Mark's cousins and who walks in but S and J! What are the chances?

Since then, S's invited me out to (what turned out to be hot) yoga and we're having dinner later this week! I think I made my first friend. :-)

First United Lutheran Church

Places of worship in Dallas are MASSIVE. It was one of the first things I noticed about Texas when I visited. They look more like office buildings than the corner church I was used to back east. I even say a synagogue that looked like a (slightly) smaller version of Jerusalem itself!

Church has always been a part of my life and I hope to find a new church in Dallas. Today, I checked out my first church, First United Lutheran Church, which happened to be the smallest church I had seen. It was a decent but it reminded me a lot of the church I grew up in with a small congregation (everyone fit at the communion railing at the same time) and an old, traditional song list. I love traditional songs. Spending every Sunday in church with my family, I could practically hear my father singing right next to me. Those moments are especially dear to me since he passed away in November and I was surprised how emotional it made me to feel closer to him again.

Since it was a holiday weekend, (Labor Day,) it probably wasn't a good day to judge the size of the congregation (even the pastor was away on vacation so there was a substitute that day,) but since I'm looking for something a bit bigger that has a younger community so I can meet people, I think I'll keep looking.

Homesick for... Hurricanes?

Most of my weekend's actions are meaningless because all of my weekend's thoughts were centered on Hurricane Irene. During a time where I find myself more homesick than I probably have ever been, within the first week of leaving NYC/NJ, that area has experienced an EARTHQUAKE and now a HURRICANE?!! It's positively surreal to think about and absolutely heart wrenching to be this far away. I know there's nothing I could do to help my loved ones and much-loved places if I was there, but it was hard to feel so helpless and slightly guilty for being half way across the country during NYC/NJ's time of need.

Luckily, everyone evacuated and came through okay. I was so relieved. :-)

The highlight of the weekend was Friday night when my friends Skyped me in to a dinner party. It's so great when I Skype with friends. It makes me feel more a part of their lives and like I'm almost there.

I miss everyone so much and am so glad everyone is okay.

First Week At Work

I have a feeling this is going to be a very short post, as I don't really have too much to report from my first week at work. But I know a lot of people have been asking so I thought I should say something...

Work seems fine. The people seem really nice and a few have gone out of their way to join me for lunch. My boss even took another coworker and I out to lunch on Tuesday, (she was out on Monday.) I'm especially excited that my boss is very hands-off. I am far away from the land of micro-managing and it makes me feel like a 500lb weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I've had a pretty slow start. I didn't have anything to do until my first meeting on Thursday so I watched training videos to brush up on my coding skills until then. The great thing is that these are tutorials that I was planning on watching in my own time anyway and I already have learned so much. The projects that have started seem very manageable.

The most interesting thing about my new job is that I have a PC! I haven't used a PC for years (I've only been using Macs) so it's been interested re-learning all my usual shortcuts and getting used to the new set up.

Overall, it matches my expectations and I look forward to learning a lot here but I can't picture being here forever.

First Apartment Happy Hour: Epic Fail

One of the reasons we picked our apartment building is because they have "resort style living", which means they are very social and even throw a happy hour once a month. Since we don't know anyone in the area, we thought this would help us meet people.

Tonight was the first happy hour and we had been looking forward to it for awhile. We were some of the first people there and I enjoyed the appetizers while Mark enjoyed the refreshments. Then, our neighbors started filling up the restaurant. The crowd was filled with young professionals and many couples, people that we thought we could easily have a lot of things in common with. Everyone looked very friendly. So friendly, in fact, that everyone already seemed to know each other besides us. Mark and I stood alone in the middle of the floor as people walked around us greeting each other. We had met and talked with one girl at the beginning who happened to sit next to us, but besides that, we didn't talk to a single other soul. (I don't count the occasional "excuse me" when someone needed to get past us to grab some of the free appetizers.) Determined, I made us stay until the end and stand in the middle of the room instead of hiding in the corner. And nothing... Epic fail.

Now I'm not going to go blaming our neighbors. I'm sure if I was busy catching up with others, I would have not noticed the newbies lost at sea in the middle of the crowded room either. It's not their fault, but it made me humbly realize two things:

1. I am far away from home.
There was this one guy, (we'll call him "Texas Guy" in reference to his t-shirt,) that seemed to know everyone. There was barely a person that entered the room that he didn't greet with a sincere hug and people just seemed to gravitate to him. Texas Guy had lots of friends here, Texas Guy ruled the roost. Back in Hoboken, I could rarely leave my apartment, even to walk a few blocks to the store, without running into someone I knew. Every night that my friends and I would go out, we'd always run into others we knew and often, we'd know the bartender or bouncer working that night. Many of my friends had met each other through me. I was Texas Guy in Hoboken (or at least had his confidence.) But in Texas, Hoboken Girl means nothing...

2. I have no idea how to make new friends and I've never had to before.
When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be the "new girl" in school. I would fantasize about getting a fresh start and reinventing myself. But, we never moved and I never got the opportunity. The friends at my senior lunch table were essentially the same group of friends that I had sat with since kindergarten.

In college, sure I was new. But so was everyone else. And there were classes and social events that made it easy to meet new people, especially because they were also new and wanted to meet each other. Even then, since I went to college in the same town that I grew up in and many of my high school friends were still in the area, I didn't feel motivated to make new friendships. Some of my current best friends I did meet in college, but they are all people that I had class with. Otherwise, who knows if I would have met anyone.

In NYC/NJ, I had a group of friends already in place since many of my college friends already lived in the area. Mark asked me how I met people in Hoboken and I realized that the only new people I had met, (besides those I had met through other friends,) I had used an opening line that would not apply down here, "Hey, didn't you go to CMU?" Sigh...

This is really my first time in this situation and I have to humbly and honestly admit, I suck at it! I default to a very shy, naive demeanor and hope that people approach me. I mean, how am I supposed to approach someone else for a friendship? It's not the same as picking up a guy at a bar. I can't smile at a girl from across the room without her thinking I'm not only creepy but interested in something totally different. And once I do strike up a conversation, how do I take it to the next level? Asking for a phone number again just sounds creepy. And super awkward.

I am clueless. I miss my friends, family and my identity back home. Mark was so supportive and encouraging, suggesting that we try going out to a bar after the event was over to see if we could have any better luck. But I was not up to it. I just wanted to go home. And the closest I could get was upstairs in our new apartment to go to sleep and dream of a land far away...

First Day in Dallas

I woke up this morning and at first didn't know where I was. It only took me a moment to remember but it felt like I was in a hotel on a trip. It will probably take awhile until I wake up feeling like I'm at home. We got to work right away making a list of things to buy and spent the day shopping for things for our new place (so exciting,) having a lovely Tex-Mex brunch (hello eggs benedict made with "taco meat") and Mark made a wonderful salad for dinner with some of the groceries we had bought. It was an awesome first day and I'm very excited to see how my first day at work goes tomorrow. Since I haven't even met my new coworkers, or been inside the office (although we did a drive-by today,) I am nervous and curious to see what my new office is going to be like.

Mark's amazing dinner:


















Things I saw on our shopping trip that I would have never spotted out east:

Hello Texas!

I flew through Charlotte. I knew I was waiting in the right gate for my connecting flight when I noticed that the guy next to me and the girl across from me were both wearing cowboy boots. When I got to my seat in the plane, the loudest girl in the concourse with a baby sat next to me. A guy with a shirt that said "You have to pay for this gun show" and only one tooth on his top gum sat behind me. It felt like a long flight. But as we got closer, I started to feel butterflies. Anxious, excited, I'm not sure what except the feeling of "Wow, this is really happening."

As soon as I landed in Dallas and saw Mark waiting for me in the baggage claim, everything felt wonderful. All the stress of worrying about getting evicted from my Hoboken home melted away. All the worry about the move was gone. It was just my wonderful boyfriend and I together again and it felt great. Mark had brought me gifts. I got my set of keys for our first apartment and a cowgirl hat. Yeehaw! We got my bag and headed to the apartment. It was amazing, just like the model we had seen but with a small patio overlooking the pool. I started getting excited thinking about how we could decorate it together. There wasn't much time to look around though, just enough time for a quick change and then we were off to our first event.

We had made reservations to do a meetup that night (from meetup.com) for 20/30-somethings in Dallas at a steak house in Addison as part of Restaurant Week. We figured it was a great way to meet people. Everyone seemed shocked that I had just landed two hours prior and had great tips for the area. The people were really friendly and we had a lovely dinner. The highlights were when a lawyer admitted that she carries a gun with her in her purse, (at first I thought she was kidding,) and a pilot from jetBlue revealed that jetBlue would be starting flights between Dallas and NYC starting as soon as December! (I had been very disappointed that my favorite airline didn't run to Dallas.) Addison apparently has the most restaurants per capita in Texas and I'm sure we will be back many times to explore that area.

So far, so good.

Defying Gravity

This past week has been wonderful.

I knocked off the last and most important thing on my "To Do Before Leaving NYC" list and saw Wicked, so powerfully beautiful, even from my seat in the next to last row.

After 5-1/2 years at my job, they threw me a goodbye party and before I knew it, it was my last day. I've learned so much there but I knew it was time for me to move on and that I will keep in touch with the wonderful people I have met there.

Friday, after my last (half) day at work, I hurried home to meet the movers. Luckily, my friend Khal had let them in. They had found a parking spot but unfortunately had to tow someone that had illegally parked in one of our blocked-off spots. I was so glad they made it and got my things. And I have to admit, it was very special to me that they are the official movers of the Steelers, Penguins and Pirates since I am rooted in Pittsburgh. Unfortunately, there was some drama though. The one mover gave me some attitude about him forgetting to pack some things. And then a mover called the management company on us, claiming that the movers were scuffing the newly-painted walls in the hall. First of all, there was not any marks when I went out there to check. And second of all, who does that?? The reason this is at all relevant is now the management is asking what we're moving and I'm getting very nervous they're going to figure out that we're subletting the apartment. Which could get us evicted. Granted, I do not live there anymore, but my roommate does and I would never want that to happen to her!! So scared about that and saddened all my stuff is gone.

After my things were all packed up and shipped off, it was time to get ready for my going away party that one of the closest people to me in the world, Lindsay, was throwing. I did not feel up to a party. I was in a horrible mood from the movers and thinking about leaving. And then, I got a call. Apparently there was a huge storm on the way and people were starting to cancel. At that point, I really didn't even want to leave my apartment. I understood that some people couldn't make it, I probably wouldn't be able to go either if I lived far, but the weather just seemed to match what I was feeling and the thought that no one would be able to show up seemed like the last straw. All I could worry about was if my brother was going to make it. I could not imagine being able to leave the city without getting to at least say goodbye to him.

Nervous, I willed myself off the couch from where I had let the time fly by as I stared blankly at the apartment that was now stripped of my things, and forced myself to get ready. I am so glad that I did. So many of my friends made the journey to see me, some from far away. And there were some really wonderful surprises. Lindsay had put together a journal where everyone wrote goodbye notes to me. She had made a wonderful dessert for the occasion. Several other friends brought awesome decorations, wrote touching cards and gave me Godiva chocolates, (I found it really funny that all my friends' gifts were Godiva chocolates, they know me well.) It was a wonderful night and my brother made it. He even had a card for me which he had drawn a lovely goodbye comic inside. When he left and we said goodbye was the first and only time I teared up that evening.

It was a great night with some of my favorite people. I went home and stayed up reading all the messages people had written. They were so sweet and some were very funny. I fell asleep on my couch (the movers had taken my bedding) feeling very ready for the the next day. At some point along the week, I had discovered that what I was feeling was that my life was going to come to an end when I moved to Dallas. I was searching for closure, to be at peace with how I left things in NYC. And I had found that. I also discovered that my life in fact was coming to an end, but only that chapter of my life. A new chapter was just beginning.


The journal Lindsay had made me.







The adorable comic my brother had drawn in his card to me.













I woke up the next morning and could see the sun shining through the windows, the storm was over and it looked like a beautiful day outside. I felt great. And then I started thinking more about my fears of getting evicted and felt very worried. I met Lindsay for breakfast and some errands and wished my roommate Kix goodbye. They walked me out as the car came to take me to the airport.

It was finally time to, (as the Wicked song says,) defy gravity. And move to Dallas.